Stephanie's Words

this is what i do now....

http://mtephaniesasters.tumblr.com/

you can't say anything to me there. i like it that way.
if you do want to say things to me...i mean thats ok.
but i have emails. or instant messanging. or a phone. or an address.
k?
1 million?
indeed.

oh
ps. i'm leaving soon. back laters.



pspps. i mean, i'll still be reading your things. my life isn't exciting enough to stop all that

two more finals.
and by this time tomorrow i will have successfully kicked school's ass in an undergraduate sort of way.

thank you and goodbye.
fast forward please.

but really
this never got explained.
i don't think that's ok.
it needs to be explained.
not the music video persay....more the old lady and the creepy mullet sir in a thong.

WHY
she spins on the floor.

and back from texas. most. bluebonnets growing out of control. friends getting married. even.

( million )

i wonder what i'll be when i grow up.
my dad is 55.
he told me last week that he wants to be an architect.
i encouraged him to go to school and become an architect.
i know he will be amazing at whatever he tries.
it's just his way.
he resolved to just tell people that he was an architect for now.

i hope he gets whatever he wants.
he might be the most genuine person i've ever known.
he might be exactly what i hope to be one day.

i'm not sure what i'll do now.
but i hope he gets to be proud of me.

this breaks my heart. she goes on to practice her "Dear Daddy" for several pages.
a page from a notebook that i found in an abandoned house in mississippi. a little girl's music notebook/occasional journal, circa 1980.

note: the calexico/iron&wine album and bob marley are the only sounds that come from my car as of late.

who's a total dork and downloading psyc lectures from other universities to listen to for fun?!
that would be me.
i understand if you don't want to talk to many anymore...
it actually works out great since i've got half a semester worth of psyc classes to listen to now

cap and gown - check
mailed off application - check
slightly freaking out - check

in the midst of chaos at school and work (or lack of a job) i decided that the most important thing was to rearrange my room and take everything off my walls in order to start over.

it in fact was the most important thing. i feel like a new person.
a quick fix even. if i just rearrange my environment every couple of months i feel better.

i think i'll keep my walls bare for awhile and start putting to use all the bits and scraps of nonsense that i've been storing up my entire life. they will end up in a giant black book that i can look at whenever i want to remember. your welcome future stephanie.

hey its already wednesday night. that went by fast.

in the near future :
corsicana
canoeing
a full return to the interweb
arrested development marathon
fancy shmany wine tasting (i mean its monroe, fancy shmancy is an exaggeration)
paper writing out the butthole
GRE
nonsense

note: i am completely frustrated with the way in which RIDICULOUS tv shows like 24 and lost have sucked me in....so bored with it. and so begins the phasing out.

whats up mustache?
whats up fashion mullet?
tinted glasses?!?
sound equipment still set up in the background?!?
wood paneling?!?!
stockings and peep toe shoes?!

yes to everything. just yes.

(so glad i'm not married/getting married/having kids/being a grown up anytime soon)

re: lunch with francis galton

can i please know someone with synesthesia?
please?!
preferably music-color, number form, or lixical-gustatory synesthesia
but i'll take what i can get.

k. thanks.

also the sound of young america podcast today was an interview with zach.

i mean thanks guys

t minus:

6 days - camp out on crystal beach
2 weeks - last saturday class
3 weeks - project ends
5 weeks - spring break (corsiciana? somewhere not monroe? yes please.)
9 weeks - finals
10 weeks - graduation
12 weeks - life change (yes please.)

why must mine sleeves always shrink?
this is on the list of things that are disheartening to me.

---
people,

when i'm at work and you come to the front desk and ask to use a pen, thats totally fine.
but i'm not really interested in hearing about your problems with cell phone companies and debt.
like really. it's sort of a bother for me to even feign interest on these topics.
if you feel the need to talk to me can you at least pick an interesting subject?

k? thanks

i've been taking the longer ride home lately so that i can ride by the farms and cotton fields. usually the horses are laying down and someone is burning something a ways off, so the air smells perfect.

the weather has been so easy lately, its been windy and in the 70's.

today i rolled down the windows, took my hair down, put on some yellow tinted 80's sunglasses and drove home. just when i turned to take the long way home gillian welch came up on shuffle. i stuck my left arm out the window to feel the wind (how does this never get old?) and my right arm went limp in my lap, driving with my knees i just listened and watched. it made me feel clean. i don't really remember the last time i had chills on a warm afternoon, wearing long sleeves and jeans.

so thanks for that life. i think i needed it.

(link)
PES

i'm sitting directly in the center of our backyard, to my right is a small garden that my parents haven't gotten ready for spring yet so weeds are beginning to overtake the dirt. all around me are birds, robins and blackbirds. the most noticeable difference that i have found between the two is that the blackbirds are more skittish than the robins. this is enjoyable when they bunch together in a field that i'm driving by and with one quick honk the entire group is sent into chaos, i get some deep satisfaction out of seeing such a sight and even causing the disturbance. sadie exerts all her energy chasing the birds from one side of the yard to the other. by the time its all over her tongue is hanging out and the birds have perfected the backyard shuffle, allowing themselves to look for whatever it is they were wanting out of the ground and avoid the ferocious sadie, it's a never ending pattern.

the sun is setting in front of me and i have to say it's one of my favorite sights everyday.
the main test of this backyard set up was to a) see how far my wifi would reach and b) check out the moquito climate. the weather has been great all week which inevitably means the mosquitos are back to ruin my life unti the next time the weather drops below freezing.

i've been listening to modest mouse quite a bit lately.
i want to learn to fly a crop duster. its my latest day dream in life. i think it's tied to my persistent desire to touch clouds.


i just killed a mosquito on my leg. i'm done.

(the 88, jonezetta, of montreal, the format = all the same band in my mind)

i don't feel good and i'm sad and i'm tired of hearing about how everything is related back to god.
enough already. i don't care anymore. r

i don't remember the last time i seriously hated someone this much.
(don't wonder. if you're reading this it isn't you.)